Dead Clowns

It has been a while since I indulged my zombie passion.  Real life has pulled me away from zombies.  Its tragic really, but I'm back on routine now and spent my morning workout watching Dead Clowns directed by Steve Sessions.  I found this gem in a going out of business bin at Hollywood Video for $2.  I'm not sure it was worth it.  I had high hopes for this one.  I love Killer Klowns from Outer Space and I was hopeful that this would merge zombies with the silly horror of my youth.  Unfortunately,  Dead Clowns was done with the slow, steady pace of a movie that intends to truly horrify its audience.  The movie has potential, however.  The potential was never realized in this film, but that may be because of lack of funding and resources rather than lack of ability.  It is clear from the beginning that the director has seen Fulci's early zombie classics and paces his movies with the same slow build up.

Dead Clowns begins with a hurricane.   A small town has been evacuated and only the brave remain.   The movie spends a considerable time with build up and character development.   The story of  a circus car accident during another big hurricane is told.  All the clowns died in the storm.  They went down with the calliope.  Even though this story was told straight, with no intention of humor,  I couldn't help giggle as a traumatized woman recited this silly story as if it were something scary. The movie progresses slowly from this story.   The characters endure the storm as the dead begin to rise. As the zombie clowns crawl out of the sand,  calliope music plays in the background.   Unfortunately,  there isn't enough character development in the world to make me care about these poorly acted characters.  So even though there are plenty of characters to kill,  I really couldn't care less.  The zombie mayhem begins with some beautifully, bloody death scenes and the gore in this film is pretty well done. However, the zombie effects weren't what I had hoped for.

Overall,  I would pass on this low budget zombie indie unless you are a die hard fan.   It has its moments and it certainly has potential, but it is still too rough to create interest and the premise of zombie clowns would have been better placed in a campy, tongue in cheek kind of film rather than a serious attempt at horror.   I'm still hopeful that some day someone will blend Killer Klowns from Outer Space with zombies,   but I haven't found it yet.  I guess I'll just watch the original Killer Klowns.

Book Review: The Boneshaker

This book is a steampunk, airship, zombie adventure.  That should say it all, but it is so wonderful I have to say a little bit more.  The basic backdrop for this book is Seattle with a rewritten history.  In a steampunk landscape in which Victorian society has much more advanced technology than it ever did,  one man builds a drill to get to the gold in Alaska.   This man lives in Seattle and when the drill is accidentally set off it leads to a catastrophe which leaves Seattle drowning in a green smoke that turns people into zombies.

Our heroine is an outcast.  She and her son live in the shadow of her husband's mistakes.  When her son goes into zombie infested Seattle to clear his father's name,   the adventure begins.   The Boneshaker is a wonderful, zombie filled adventure and worth reading for any zombie or steampunk fan.  If you like both,  this is your lucky day!

Book Review: Zombiekins

Anyone who knows me well, knows I'm pretty immature.  One of the best parts of being a mother for me is discovering the childhood I missed.   I bought Zombiekins for my son yesterday.    He  loved the book, but I think I've loved it even more.   Zombiekins is middle-grade fiction, but some of the best books ever written were middle-grade fiction.   Can anyone say Harry Potter?  

Zombiekins is the story of a boy who live next door to a rather dark and foreboding mansion.  One day all his neighbors and he gather up their brooms and pitchforks and head towards this gothic mansion with only one thing on their minds. Yard sale.   The lady who lives in the house isn't necessarily a witch.  She does cast spells, turn children into toads, and fly a broomstick, but the author doesn't want to make stereotypes and neither does the main character in the book.  He buys a somewhat messed up looking teddy bear he calls poof.  He also throws out the box and all the instructions.   Madness follows as the zombie teddy bear leaves a trail of destruction behind it.   It manages to infect the entire school, although the staff seems oblivious to this, and it is up to our young hero and his best friend to save the day.

Zombiekins is quirky, cute, and funny.  The zombie illustrations are hilarious and the writing is brilliant.   For a zombie lover,  I found this book to be a welcome addition to my growing zombie library.  It is a little bit a levity in a dark apocalyptic part of my library.

The Re-Animator

There is no better mixture then a not so subtle blend of Lovecraft and zombies. The Re-Animator is that mixture. Based on the Lovecraft story "Herbert West Reanimator, the Re-Animator is set at Lovecraft's infamous Mistkatonic University and follows two medical students in their quest to save their medical careers. The two medical students have been thrown together by odd circumstances. One is your typical hero type and the other is a mad scientist trying to find a way to bring the dead back to life.


After being expelled, the two medical students decide that the only way to save their careers is to raise the dead and prove to the world that they are geniuses and deserve to be doctors (Why not? It went well for Dr. Frankenstein). Of course, our mad scientist isn't really raising the dead as much as re-animating them, but it doesn't seem that much different to me. This movie is a gruesome shock fest and a half and the madness that follows this half-baked scheme is fabulous. From a medical director that has to carry most of his head around on a dish as he tries to rape the heroe's girlfriend to a zombie's intestines grabbing hold of our mad scientist med student and trying to kill him, the shocks are endless.
Re-animator is a campy, cult classic and is one of the best of the 1980's zombies films. It is funny and over the top and so shocking you have to laugh. If you like zombies or Lovecraft this is a must see film.

The Tombs of the Blind Dead

This Spanish Zombie classic is known for its slow pace and beautiful settings.  It is also known for its gratuitous half naked girls and bikini shots.  There are lots of screaming women having their clothes torn from their bodies in this 1971 zombie, cult classic.   It is not a brilliant film, but it is worth seeing at least once.  The plot for this is wonderful.

A young couple is vacationing when they meet a bikini clad beauty that the boyfriend finds attractive and the girlfriend had a lesbian affair with years ago.  The boyfriend invites the bikini, bisexual beauty with them on their train trip and the girlfriend becomes crazy with jealousy.  She eventually leaps from a moving train to escape her boyfriend's flirtation with her ex-lesbian lover.  As unwise as this may sound,  it is actually much stupider than it sounds.  She jumps from a moving train in an isolated nowhere somewhere between hell and France.   She finds a ruined old castle and ,as there are no people anywhere, she decides to get undressed and camp out in it.  She plays the radio and relaxes as the blind dead rise from their graves to devour her.  This describes every vacation I've ever had.

The blind dead are Knights Templar that were hung for their satanic crimes while birds ate out their eyes.  They rise from the dead nightly in the exact castle where our young heroine is camping.   She is eaten and her bisexual friend and boyfriend come looking for her.   Blind, zombie madness follows.   The most interesting parts of this movie use the combination of atmosphere and silence to create fear.  The zombies hunt by sound so there are many scenes where protagonists try to stay quiet.

Overall this is not my favorite zombie film.   It is silly and the characters are beyond stupid, but it is unique in its campy 70's charm so I have to say that I still enjoyed watching it. 

The Walking Dead on AMC

 The Walking Dead is a brilliant comic series by Robert Kirkman.  I  find it engrossing and keep buying them even when I know I shouldn't.   Even the tag line for these comics is brilliant "In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to finally start living."  The comic is a blend of the best parts of post apocalyptic fiction and the best parts of zombie fiction.  It reminds of me of what would happen if  The Road met 28 Days Later and was spiced with Night of the Living Dead.  Ultimately,  it is a story of survival and the human relations that blossom in survival situations.  Of course,  it is peppered with gruesome zombie violence.  The illustrations are wonderful and this violence is an art.

Of course,  I was giddy with anticipation when I found out AMC is doing an adaptation of Robert Kirkman's masterpiece.  According to dread central,  "I don't think there's a single other project we're looking forward to more around the Dread Central offices than Frank Darabont's adaptation of the Robert Kirkman zombie epic The Walking Dead. Casting news has been brilliant, the effects that we've seen so far have been top shelf, and everything seems to be coming together nicely."   I'm thrilled.    In order to prepare for this epic event,  I suggest you read all of Robert Kirkman's comics as soon as possible.  They are definitely worth it!

Plants vs. Zombies

This has become my latest time killing device.  I love this game for several reasons.  I like zombies and it is simple enough to play on my iphone while I wait for labs in the ER or while my children are playing at the science museum.  It is the best short term zombie distraction I have ever found.    Plants vs. Zombies is a simple game in many ways, but the graphics are good and there are many types of zombies to battle.  The zombie animation is great and the dialogue between the crazy shop keeper is hilarious.  The zombies send silly note encouraging you to give up your brains.

Plants vs. Zombie is a tower defense game and has only one or two difficult levels.  If you are a veteran of tower defense games you may find this easy.  However, it hardly matters because the game is so much fun.  If you continue pass the adventure mode and try to complete all of the achievements you can have even more fun.  My only complaint is that there wasn't enough of this game.

The Dead Next Door

I'm going to be completely honest.  I fell asleep half way through this movie.  It wasn't too terrible.  I've certainly seen worse.  The premise was actually kind of interesting,  although the acting was horrible.  This is a zombie movie set in a not so distant future in which the living dead are among us.   A zombie squad, which is hated by a cult of zombie loving religious freaks, is assigned with the task of keeping the citizens safe from growing hordes of zombies.

This movie was produced by Sam Raimi, whom I usually love, and released in 1988.  It was shot on 8mm film and has a grainy quality that makes it seem more iinteresting than it actually is.  It is gory and violent and the effects are good.  I really should have loved this film.  Sam Raimi and the living dead are a great combination.  I felt, however, this movie was a big disappointment.  It just lacked qualities that would make me care.  I think it was the characters.  In order for me to care if people live or die,  I have to believe they are real and find them at least a little interesting.  This moving didn't make me do that.  I guess blood and guts and zombie effects aren't enough sometimes.  I fell asleep.  I had a good nap, however.  I know some zombie lovers adore this film and I certainly don't hate it.  I just found it sleepy.

Zombie Mania

If you really want to understand zombies and their history, this documentary is a good place to start. It puts together all the important people in the world of the living dead and lets them discuss the evolution of the zombie. Romero, Max Brooks, Rue Morgue editors, and make-up wizards discuss the humble beginning of zombies and the new obsession with these flesh eating ghouls.


Zombies were taken from Haitian Voodoo Mythology and originally were people who were killed and brought back to life by magical means to become the slaves of the living. White Zombie is the classic film example of this original zombie form. The Serpent and the Rainbow is a more modern look at this type of zombie. Of course, Romero changed all of this. In Zombie Mania, Romero explains that he stole his idea for Night of the Living Dead from the 1964 book I am Legend. In the original I am Legend, Vampires were hounding the protagonist, but Romero took this idea and created a different kind of monster to terrorize his protagonists and thus the modern zombie was born.
Zombie Mania continues along these lines discussing the many controversies in the world of zombies. For example, can zombies be fast? Do fast moving zombies suck? How do you survive the zombie apocalypse? Are we all really brain dead zombies?
It explores the many films and books that now exist and give the zombie lover an in depth look at the undead. I love this documentary and it is on netflix instant watch.

Questioning 28 Days Later: Are the Infected Zombies?

28 Days Later is one of my favorite movies.  I can watch this movie over and over again.  Most people I talk to call 28 Days Later a zombie movie.  Granted, they aren't zombie movie experts, but they don't separate zombies from the infected.  If we are being honest,  the movie flows and is structured like most post apocalyptic zombie films.  There are flesh hungry mostly dead people wandering the world spreading their living death.  These flesh hungry monsters destroy and eat anyone they can catch.  Like many of my favorite zombie films,  this movie explores elements of human nature and questions what defines us as people.  When all the rules are gone,  people become the real monsters.

All of this said,  strictly speaking the flesh hungry monsters chasing the heroes in this movie are infected with a virus called the rage.  They aren't the dead reanimated.  They are rotting, fleshy sacks.  Their hearts are still beating.  There have been several movies like this lately.  Quarantine has a similar plot line about "infected" people that are driven to act much like zombies.  So my question is,  are these films that act almost exactly like zombie movies, zombie movies?  Certainly a zombie lover can enjoy these movies, but can we talk about them as zombie movies or do we need to put them into a category of their own?  Should we call them infected movies?  Flesh crazed sick people movies?  What are these films?

The Night of the Comet

The Night of the Comet is a mixture of several different genres.  It is a zombie film, an apocalypse film, and a science fiction comedy.  As a child,  this was one of my favorite movies.  I was nine when this came out and I think I watched it at least twenty times.   As an adult,  I still like this film that was voted number 10 in Bloody Disgusting's Top 10 Doomsday Horror Films in 2009.


The story of this film is more complex than most zombie films.   Everyone is excited to see an extraordinary comet.  There are comet parties and gatherings of all sorts.  The two heroins in this film are two teenage girls that could care less about the comet.  They hate their stepmother and they both flee her comet party and end up sleeping in metal structures.  They both awake to silence.  The world is empty and there is red sand in all the places people had once been.   The two girls find each other and come to the conclusion that the comet killed everyone on earth, but spared them because of the metal containers they slept in.   Of course, they aren't completely alone.  The comet also turned some of the population into rotting, putrid, hungry zombies.  As the girls run from these zombies,  they meet a helpful man who is romantically partnered with the older teen, raid the mall for new clothes, and end up with a government group that promises them sanctuary.  Of course,  there is not sanctuary.  The government group is turning into zombies themselves and they believe the girls' blood will save them from their zombification.  Many chases and close calls follow, but the girls are victorious and escape into the sunset with the last two men on earth. 

What more could anyone want?  The acting isn't that bad and the plot is interesting.  It is funny and it keeps your heart racing from time to time.  Although this isn't a traditional zombie film,  it is still a fun addition for any zombie movie addict.

Return of the Living Dead III

I love the Return of the Living Dead movies.  They are nothing like your usual zombie movies.  Typical Zombie films are filled with social commentary and moments that make you think about what defines us as human.  I like these elements in zombie films,  but I also like the complete and utter silliness that defines the Return of the Living Dead movies.  They take nothing seriously and make me laugh.

Unfortunately,  Return of the Living Dead III completely breaks from the Return of the Living dead formula.  It is not silly and there is nothing in this movie to make you laugh.  It is romantic and tragic.   It also seems to be a celebration of extreme body piercing.   It is the story of two young lovers,  Curt and Julie.  Curt indulges Julie's wild side and steals his father's key and sneaks on base with Julie to see what kind of crazy experiments are going on in the secret base.  They discover that Curt's father is working on a way to turn zombies into biological weapons.   Of course,  in a tragic chain of events,  Julie ends up dead and Curt takes her back to the base and brings her back to life.  Julie becomes a beautiful zombie.

After an altercation with a gang in a convenience store,  Julie bites a gang member.   Julie and Curt then flee into the sewers while being chased by the military and this crazy gang.  Julie finds the only way to prevent herself from eating Curt is to pierce every part of her naked body with horrible broken pieces of metal and nails.  A homeless man offers the couple a place to hide and is turned into a zombie by Julie.  The gang finds Curt and Julie and after she gnaws on them for a while they become zombies too.   The military catches up with them and after Curt sees Julie eat the nice homeless man,  he lets them take her.

Curt stumbles on Julie and the nice homeless man in the base and sees the horrible things the military is doing to them and decides it is best to free the zombies.  Craziness follows.

This isn't a bad zombie movie.  It is watchable,  but it isn't what you want from a Return of the Living Dead film.   I miss the laughs and the silliness.  

Why is there a zombie in my house!

Oh no! Run!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Zombie Pub Crawl and Poultrygeist

I have not written about zombies in some time now.  It really is terrible since I've had some wonderful zombie experiences over the last few weeks.  First,  I was able to attend the Chicago Zombie Pub Crawl!  This was probably my perfect moment.  At first,  I was disappointed.   People in zombie costumes met at the first pubs.  They were quiet and seemed somewhat lost.  However, as the beer flowed and the undead migrated from one bar to the next,  the moaning and stumbling began.   Zombies reached out for unsuspecting strangers crying out for brains.  It was wonderful!  If you are ever in the Chicago area during the zombie pub crawl,  it is definately worth the trip.

While I was in Chicago,  I was also exposed to the mesmerizingly bizarre, sex-filled, violent zombie chicken movie Poultrigeist.   I thought I knew B-grade movies fairly well, but this was my first exposure to Troma films.   They are famous for killer penis scenes, graphic sex, and mind bogglingly silly gore.  Poultrigeist has all of these things, right down to the giant, chicken headed, zombie penis that broke free from a zombie, chicken woman and went on a rampage.  The plot of this movie really doesn't matter, but for those who are curious.   A fried chicken chain (like KFC) builds a restraunt on an ancient Indian burial ground and zombie chickens are born amidst lesbain sex scenes and silly musical numbers.   When the zombie chickens take over,  the violence is amazing and the rest really doesn't matter.   I really don't know how to rate this movie except to say that if killer, zombie chicken penises and lesbian sex sound enjoyable to you,  you will like this movie.  Otherwise,  you might just want to watch it to know how strange film can be. 

The Children

Sometimes there aren't words to sum up a movie.  This is one of those movies.   I'm not saying that I've been awed by the power of this film, but rather I was so bored I think I dozed off half way through.   The Children was made in the 1980 and tells the story of children who are accidentally irradiated.   A school bus full of children vanish and the town is surprisingly calm about it.   They assume their children are at friend's houses.  There are several conversations in which mothers ask each other about their missing children in a casual almost half hazard tone.

Finally,  the children come back and the mothers run to their young to have them suck the life from their bodies.  The children kill the town with their evil, deadly hugs.   The town doesn't seem to notice this either.  People are dying left and right.  Children are missing but everyone seems unaware of the doom that is creeping towards them.  When the heroes are finally beseiged by hordes of zombie children,  they don't even lock all the windows.  They kind of just shut the doors and hope for the best.   They put their one living son to bed and leave him completely unalone while they go into the kitchen and bicker.  Meanwhile,  the kids sneak into the other child's room and kill him.   It is mind boggling the idiocy and apathy that drive the plot of this less than b-grade film.   View this film at your own risk.

Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave

OK.  So this movie is obviously not a Classic.  Not even close.  However,  if you enjoy the Return of the Living Dead movies this is definately worth a watch.  Return of the Living Dead and it's offspring represent a significant departure from standard zombie movies.   Most zombie movies try to make you think.  They comment on society and the nature of good and evil within the living.  Return of the Living Dead  does nothing like this.  These movies are light hearted and silly.  They are full of gags, laughs, and stupid teenagers doing stupid things.  The zombies are funny and cry out for "brains!"   They trick the living into bringing more brains.

Return of the Living Dead:  Rave to the Grave stuck to the Return of the Living Dead formula.  It was packed full of stupid one liners and silly jokes.   There are hitch hiking zombies and male interpole police men dressed as Valkries slaying the undead with rocket launchers.  There are stupid teenagers and plenty of zombies crying out for brains.  The plot of this movie is pretty simple.  Two teens find their dead uncles stash of zombie filled canisters in the attic.  They take the cannisters to a friend who is a chemistry major for analysis.   The chemistry major thinks it would be a wonderful idea to turn the goo the zombie is floating in into some kind of x like drug.   He and his friends sell it to everyone at a Rave.   Zombie madness and silliness follows.   If you are in a silly mood and you want something ridiculous to watch,  this is the zombie movie to complete your evening.

What Kind of Zombie Scenario is Best For You?

Save Yourself from Zombies: Drink Trappist Ales

Trappist style ales are a rare gem.  They are some of the best beers on earth and a rare few of these are actually brewed by trappist monks.   Chimay Blue is my favorite of these, but others include Orval Trappist Ale and Koenings Hoeven.   Whatever the brand,  these beers are not only the best beers in the world, but they will make you zombie proof!  So drink up.  It may save your life.

Zombie Nightmare

Almost everything about this film is really, really horrible.  The acting is just silly.  The plot is ridiculous and the writing is beyond bad.  This is one of the worst zombie movies I have ever seen.  It is saved by the fact that it has moved beyond regular crap into a realm of horrible films like Attack of the Killer Shrews and Plan 9 from Outer Space.   It is so bad it is actually very funny.   There are wonderful scenes like the one in which a police officer interogated a rape victim whose rapist had his removed by a zombie in midrape in which the officer asks,  "What were you doing in an alley in the middle of the night with a man with a knife if you didn't want sex?"  I still don't know the answer to that question.

Staring Adam West from TV's Batman in a role that makes no sense and Tia Carrere in a role that makes even less sense,  the plot of his movie stumbles around in between voodoo rituals and body builder zombies into a climax that just left me thinking,  "What is going on?"   If you love B-grade cinema and want a good laugh,  this movie is perfect for you, otherwise leave this one alone. 

Breathers: A Zombie's Lament

There aren't a lot of really good zombie romances out there.  The shelves are cluttered with copies of  Twilight and other kissy, sicky sweet vampire romances, but it is really hard to find zombie love stories.   It makes no sense to me because this book is one of my all time favorites.   It is touching, beautiful, and more romantic than every vampire romance balled up into one.

Breathers is the story of a recently dead zombie every man.   In a world where zombies are hated,  he has to find a way to survive and find happiness.  This happiness comes from a zombie support group, where he meets a zombie with a penchant for rennaisance pornography,  a beautiful zombie addicted to shampoo, and a duo of zombies with a love fror the flesh of the living.   Together,  these zombie misfits turn the lives of the living and the dead upside down.   If you love zombie you'll love this book and you should read it at least twice.